


There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

by seancebvllet



Category: T@gged (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Sorry, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26546830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seancebvllet/pseuds/seancebvllet
Summary: What if *that* scene from s03e12 of T@gged went differently?
Relationships: Trevor Askill & Brandon Darrow, Trevor Askill/Brandon Darrow
Kudos: 3





	There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first work ever & english isn't my first language so please please be kind.
> 
> ((Based on the song "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths))

"See you later" Trevor raised a palm of his hand towards Rowan, as he turned around and walked to the front door, praying that his sister won’t follow him or ask why he’s acting so weird. He just wanted to do this already.

Askill stormed inside the hall like he was some sort of a storm cloud. On his way to the bathroom, he stopped by to grab a bottle of tequila and a half empty bottle of vodka from the living room. Just a quick look at the first liquor was enough to bring back to Trev’s memory something, that he’d rather forget. Although it only lasted for a few seconds, that single thought was sufficient to bring tears into his eyes. 

Did he regret that night? Oh, hell, no. But considering what happened to the boy with two bottles of alcohol after going back to its events, it would be fair to consider it a mistake. A mistake that ensured this boy that he really wants to do something he will eventually regret.

Trevor wiped out from his face a few tears that managed to leave his eyes. Enough he thought. Enough thinking about it. Brandon obviously doesn’t care, why should I? A quiet snort left his mouth. Obviously Trev was going to care. Because that’s what he always does… He cares. Definitely too much, which leaves him more and more broken every damn time.

He shook his head and turned around. Despite being scared, he managed to go down the hall, to the bathroom. The brown-haired boy inhaled deeply, entered the room and closed the door. On shaky legs, he approached the wash basin and opened the cabinet above. Letting one more deep breath out, he grabbed a full bottle of painkillers. 

With shaking hands, he somehow managed to unscrew the lid of the bottle, putting it on the wash basin afterwards. Sink or swim, he thought, and before anything else crossed his mind, he grabbed a bunch of pills. Without hesitating, he swallowed them using tequila to wash them down. He then repeated the action a few times using both tequila and vodka. While he was taking the very few last pills, with empty bottles laying beside him and liquors hitting to his head, he noticed the bathroom door opening. 

“Hey, what’s going on? What are you doing?” Rowan’s voice sounded like it was coming from under the water. “My god, did you take any of those?” she asked as she crouched next to Trevor.

“I did” he replied. It was a weak sound, his voice was weak and trembling, as he realised what he actually did.

“Oh, damn it… Hey, Trevor, look at me” the way she spoke made it clear that she was in a huge panic. “Look at me, okay? Please, stay with me, Trev… I’m calling 911, just stay with me.”

***

The memories of what happened after Rowan made a call were blurry in Trevor’s mind. Kind of like he was looking at them through fog, or a very dirty window. He couldn’t recall faces, voices, places, no details at all. Just an outline of the next few hours.

The first thing that Trevor could clearly see in his mind was waking up in hospital after gastric lavage. Not that he passed out because of the meds he took, no. It was the operation’s fault, as it completely drained him out of energy.

Another thing Askill remembered well - maybe even too well - was shock. The only feeling present in his mind, when he turned his head to the right and saw him sitting next to the sterile hospital bed. Brandon fucking Darrow. What is he doing here? How does he know? Who let him in? A million thoughts per second crossed Trevor’s mind when seeing the baby-blue eyes staring right back at him. 

“Oh my god. You are finally awake” Brandon gasped with a huge relief to be heard in his voice.

“What are you doing here?” Trev frowned. 

“Ro told me what happened. She was supposed to drop by at my place but she called to tell me that she’s not coming. I asked why, so she explained. And here I am” he shrugged. 

Trevor smiled when he heard that. Brandon came all the way to the hospital for him? That was unexpected, but weirdly comforting. 

“Thanks, man.”

Brandon smiled back at him. That was the most heart melting smile Trevor’s ever seen. 

“Oh, by the way…” Brandon’s hung his voice for a few seconds. “Rowan and I broke up. Thought you should know, as her step-brother and my friend.”

Holy. Shit. This can’t be happening. But it was, it was totally happening and real.

"Shit, B, I'm so sorry" Trevor got up to sitting position. "Wanna tell me why?"

"Nothing to talk about I guess. Let's just say… I told her I liked someone else and she understood" Brandon blushed. That was rather unusual, considering that he barely showed any strong emotions. 

"Oh."

Exactly. Oh. Despite having some sort of a childish hope that this someone else that Brandon's talking about is him, Trev was hundred percent sure that it wasn't. This made him kinda sad, but he decided to play a good friend.

"Well, uh, if you’re sure that this person is the right one, why don’t you go for it?” Askill smiled uncertainly. When the other boy approved his idea, he felt huge relief. He definitely wasn’t the best helper, especially when it came to dating and especially directly after his own suicidal attempt. “You know, life’s too short to-”

Before he could finish the sentence, something unexpected happened. His mouth have been shut by Brandon. He kissed Trevor. Although this only lasted a few seconds, that was the most intense and feelings-filled time in the brown-haired boy’s life. Even if we count that night.

When Brandon pulled away, sitting his ass down on the hospital chair again, they both went silent. It wasn’t an awkward silence though, no. This silence was something right to happen in that moment and they knew it very well. Because no words were necessary considering what happened. 

Both Brandon and Trevor needed to process the kiss. Brandon cursed himself deep in his soul for doing what he did. He was afraid, frightened, even, that Trevor didn’t like it or worse - he’d hate him for that.

Trevor, on the other hand, had different fears - he was scared that Brandon, in fact, hated him. Or at least didn’t like him that way. It was dumb and irrational, but considering Darrow’s attitude towards that night, he couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry for that” Brandon’s voice lowered, as the blue-eyed boy looked down on the ground. 

“Oh, shut up Darrow” Trev rolled his eyes. “If you had anything to apologize for, I’d just punch that pretty face of yours.”

“Ha! You got caught red-handed” he smiled triumphantly. “You think I’m pretty.”

“Yeah? And you wanna tell me you don’t consider me pretty?”

“Of course I do. But I still am the prettiest bitch in the neighbourhood.”

They both laughed, looking at each other affectionately. Both Trevor and Brandon felt something weird, something that has been absent in their lives for a long time. They felt… happiness. Genuine happiness. They finally had a feeling like they belonged somewhere… Or rather, with someone. Because they belonged with each other.

***

The next few days passed by - ironically - better than ever. Brandon spent almost all days by Trevor’s hospital bed. Rowan, Elisia and a few others dropped by a few times. Everything was close to perfect. Except the day when doctors allowed Trev to finally go home.

That’s when things got pretty damn fucked up.

At first nothing seemed unusual. Brandon helped his new boyfriend pack all of his stuff up, they filled all the necessary documents and by the time they were done with all that paperwork, it was evening already. 

Trevor was happy. Not because he was going home, although it played its part. But because he finally had someone. A person that he wanted ever since he could remember. That's what made him the happiest boy in the whole world.

This happiness filled every single moment. When they got into Brandon's car, when he lit cigarette in Darrow's mouth, when he leaned over to him to give him a quick kiss. When they turned on some shitty ass indie radio station.

"Wires" Trevor smiled hearing track playing on the radio. "My favourite The Neighbourhood's song."

"Well then" Brandon look at him and turned the volume up. "Here you go my love."

Trev's only reply to this was a smile and another kiss, a bit longer one this time.

"Let's go, B."

As requested, Brandon started the car. They left the parking lot, joining traffic. 

Roads were almost empty - nothing weird at 9pm. When they stopped the car because of the red traffic light, The Smiths’ There Is a Light That Never Goes Out came on the radio. Another song from Trevor’s favourites list. He started singing and dancing as much as he could with fastened seat belt, making Brandon smile.

A dozen seconds of waiting later, the light finally changed to green. Brandon, focused on how cute Trevor was, set off without looking at the perpendicular street. 

And that was a mistake.

The next thing to be heard was a loud rumble. Suddenly everything was messy, the world turned upside down. Blood appeared on the street. 

Hearing Morrissey singing And if the double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die, Brandon and Trevor died holding hands.

Because that was such a heavenly way to die.


End file.
